letting out yells until i died of the cold

Well, so much for that whole "this year's gonna be different!" on the blogging front thing. Siiiigh.

Look, I know the next person is just as full of pithy observations as I am and can fit them in 140 characters or less, but these are crazy times!

So, a few thoughts, to get us back on the right blogging track:

I left Colombia. I was probably equal parts sad and totally effing relieved to leave. I love Medellín: I love the heady wafts of diesel fumes, I love the implacable, mania-inducing green-ness, and I love the sharpness of everything there. At the same time, I'm just not used to it and it makes me feel like I have to be on my toes all the time, and, well, I don't like feeling that way.

So, now, this blog is different. While in its most recent incarnation it was intended to document my goofy adventures living and working in México, I'm not doing that stuff anymore, but I'm sure as hell doing some other dumb stuff.

I moved to Madison County, North Carolina. I'm living in the middle of nowhere, and I'm a photo/farm intern. So far what this means is I file things, I rip things, I scan negatives, I stare at things in Photoshop for far, far too long, and and I feed animals. It's really not a bad deal, especially if you, like me, have always wanted to live among animals.

However, transitioning places is always difficult, and more so when you are not forced to share your space with other people. I think this is very specifically what I mean about suspecting that I am not as introverted as some people think I am. I love sharing space and things and time with other people. I'm just shy. Not having a constant flow of people to share things with (whether they like it or not!) totally weirds me out. I'm adjusting, though, and hopefully I'll meet some people soon, anyway.

Finally arriving at a point where I have so much quiet time and space has given me the leeway to start thinking about processing my transition time: out of México, through Colombia, and finally to here. They are all such different places, in some ways extremes. Today I had a phone call where someone asked me how I was feeling, not in the context of "let me place your feelings on my radar" that is so often used when asking that question, but actually expecting an answer. I know this is dumb, but I started to tear up a little. I realized how long I'd been compressing all these feelings, because I couldn't deal with them right then.

I guess the point is that the landing, while safe, has been a little bumpier than I expected. Something else I've been thinking a lot about is the fact that while I can be positive about these decisions I've made and their outcomes and say that they don't really matter or whatever, they definitely happen, and that is enough to give me pause right now. Why does anything have to happen? I wonder about the boring lives of adults, and I wonder how long I can stave one of 'em off. I wonder if everything always has to be so damn difficult otherwise. And THEN, I get to thinking about all the terrible stuff that's happening in the world, the stuff in Japan, for example, and the perspective on "difficult" shifts a few thousand miles.

Hmmph.

Other notes: mucking stalls is not really a bad chore at all! The mountains are overrun with ladybugs, even these days, which are pretty cold. I have no idea how to make friends without a friendship wing-person.

I'm not getting paid very much money but today I had this fleeting thought that was like, "I can't wait 'til I get paid so I can buy more yarn for my dishtowel project!" That's right, folks! I'm cornering the hipster dishtowel market. I'm gonna be semi-blog-famous. It's gonna be great.

Today, I also went on a drive. Marshall gets sorta cloudy and grey in this weird way, and I drove down almost to Asheville and it was sunny down there, and probably ten degrees warmer! I was sorta surprised at the difference, and in the sunlight the mountains were so beautiful and I remembered what I liked about this place years and years ago: in spite of its uninhabitable terrain, it is still heartachingly gorgeous. The way the light fell on everything was so exciting that I actually kicked myself for not having a camera (probably the first time in months that I've had that feeling). Then I got all excited about my drive and I ate some french fries and it was a pretty good day!

So, my new life is nowhere near as exciting or colorful as my old one. But it's got some stuff going for it. For starters, the fact that it's mine. And then also the fact that it's real. Eh, I'll put up photos soon.